Small talk
by malohipie
Summary: One shot to get it right, or wrong. Jasper Hale and Hermione Granger. Draco Malfoy and Rosalie Hale! Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen. Weasley twins and Emmett. Alice and Luna. All small talk!(All rights: jk Rowling and Stephanie Meyers . Not me :)
1. We're not in Kansas!

SMALL TALK 1: We are most definitely not in Kansas.

This is what précisely what happens when Alice Cullen abandons **Jasper Hale** at an exclusively and ridiculously expensive boutique. So expensive that it's empty. This is what also happens when a **_curious_** **Gryffindor** walks in!

"Hi. Hello there? I'm looking for a um, handkerchief. I suppose nothing fancy. Plain would be perfect." The Bright witch furiously calculates Galleons to Pounds to USD. Deduces one can only afford a step above socks. America.

"I don't work here." dangerous velvet voice ensues.

 **Beet red.**

"I'm so sorry I-"

 **Royal red.** That face. Those...books!

"American _Muggle_ literature must be so much more-"..whispers. Greedily eyes his bag of books.

"Pardon?"

"Fiction. It's slang for fiction."

"You regard physics as fiction?"

"Yes. No."

- **Silence** -

"I'm not from here. I'm just on holiday." offers rational explanation.

- **Silence** -

"Do you travel?" resists urge to ask 100 more questions.

"Every few years." Slowly grins.

"So I take it you're not from this town either?" takes advantage of dashing grin to inquire further.

"I'm as 'southern as your are English, Miss." Twangs his response

"I hardly count myself as, well I live in Scotland most of the year. Boarding school. Easy to get lost in. Forests and all."

"Forests?" mild interest.

"Forbidden type.."

"I like to hunt." Lopsided grin

"Oh."

- **senses deep sadness-** forces self to **socialize**.

"...and Yourself?" Strained velvet. Constipated grace.

"I like to...read. I have a cat." looks up and away.

"I hate dogs." Looks down and to the left

- **gives up-**

"Right. Well I suppose I'll be going."

- _gentleman stands up to leave_ -

"You really don't have to stand. Although it _does_ add to your _appeal_." gasps at own admission. Hurrys to run away.

"Miss?"

- **aborts great escape** -

"You smell real nice."

 ** _Rose pink. Smiles._**

 ** _Grins back._**


	2. Draco meets Rosalie: first class a

SMALL TALK 2: **First class A$$:**

Draco Malfoy and Rosalie Cullen find themselves on a plane: fighting over a first class seat.

"Draco you will not ruin another holiday. If you hadn't snuck out with your broom you wouldn't have blasted yourself into that whomping willow!"

"Don't indulge the boy with explanations. Draco. You are to meet us in Italy. Wandless or not. You will arrive on time: with or without your broken bones!"

"Father I-"

"Don't even think about what I'll do if you apparate underage. You've disgraced us enough." Fireplace dies out, completely cutting off communication

- **First class Jet prepares to take fligh** t-

"That's my seat." Draco drawls, doesn't bother to look down.

"I could care less." Rosalie whispers, doesn't bother to look up.

Wizard slowly raises one eyebrow and glares down. Cold one glares forward: golden eyes slightly narrow.

- **silence-** **-turbulence violently shakes plane-**

Draco's jaw tenses. He grudgingly shuffles to another seat, manages to sit with his injuries.

"Mudblood" he silently mutters, wishing his wand hadn't snapped.

...Mud what? Who does this punk think he is? He's lucky I don't hunt helpless cripples.

She's lucky Father hasn't entirely purchased these pathetic seats. Weasley's ancient broom flies faster than this.. contraption.

Muggle transportation, indeed. Horrid punishment.

Nevertheless, Slytherin waits for calculated moment. Muggle servant finally arrives with refreshments.

"Attendant! Would you please convince that one over there to relinquish my seat."

"What is your name sir?" - checks list of tickets-

"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."

"As in Dracula?" barely audible silk laughs.

"Not DRAH-co. It's drAY-co." rolls gray eyes.

"Honestly. Clear out your ears." ' _Dracula' smugly repeats_

- **reflexively** listens to the idiots heartbeat. 0.679 beats per millisecond-

Attendant notices nothing. Confirms seating.

"I'm sorry miss but you're sitting in-" completely blinded by the most beautiful smile. It's a sunrise. It's the moon. It's pure poetry.

Coughs. Speedily turns to Draco.

"I'm sorry sir, that is her seat." Hurrys away. I wonder if she's single.

- _ **Rosalie Cullen smirks** -_

"Think you're clever do you? Prancing around like…"

He needs to shut up. Smoothly glances over and flashes her signature smile

- **Wizard unaffected. Completely bored-**

"You've something in your teeth, you know. Broccoli." He smugly drawls.

Golden eyes slightly widen. Impossible. Her smile didn't affect him?... _Anything_ must be possible now, even broccoli.

- **Swiftly Smooths tounges over teeth... so fast no one sees. No broccol** i.-

Slytherin Quidditch captain still sees the toothy flash of light. Easier to spot than a golden snitch

- ** _Draco Malfoy smirks-_**

"Dray-co. Do you believe in vampires?" Dangerously soft velvet zooms in on pulse

"About as much as you'd believe in wizards." invisibly black sparks emit from Draco's annoyance.

Chants Aveda kevadra in his mind...

"Accio wand accio wand accio wand." Draco chants repeatedly

"I hate it when British people think they speak Italian." Rosalie mumbles loud enough.

"Americans." Draco spits back.

-simultaneous eyebrow lift-

-smug grin meets smug grin-

 _ **It's going to be a long flight.**_


	3. Game Over

**Game Over.**

Emmett Cullen plus Fred and George Weasley have a friendly sporting match!

"Say mate! Could you possibly throw us that bludger?!" two tall redheads approach the cold one. Cold one instantly smiles. They're carrying...brooms.

"Introductions before requests!" George mimics Professor Mcgonagall.

"Rightly said. I'm Fred."

"I'm George. Sometimes Fred. Sometimes George."

"Cool. I'm always Emette. Why the brooms?"

"Why the giant stick?" Both Weasleys ask

"This is a bat." Emmett twirls baseball bat in the air. He easily catches it without breaking eye contact.

"That's no bat!" Fred notices nothing strange.

"Bats fly." Teaching moment, George grins.

"This bat can fly if I wanted it to." Resists urge to show off strength.

"Right," George nods, quite amused.

"Brooms also fly-" Fred grins

"- if we wanted them to" Fred sometimes George finishes.

- **twins stare at bludger-**

 **-Emmett tilts head at bludger-**

"And _that_ right there's a Quidditch bludger."

"A ball that's used to knock people out." Fred's own teaching moment.

"European Sports. Rather boring." George attempts to cover for Fred's non-George intelligence

"Let me try." Wide toothy smile

- **silence. dramatic pause. Both twins turn awa** y-

"Let's have a bit of fun on the ground. 'Can always obliviate him when the games over!" Trouble A whispers

"Right brother! He looks so left out that the blokes gone pale!" Trouble B whispers back

- **Weasley twins turn to face Emmett, who pretends he didn't hear a thing. Emmett Cullen: Mr. trouble A, B, C through Z.**

"We throw you said bludger." George

"You hit with that bat stick thing." Fred

George flings bludger 60 feet up and it speedily descends downward, Fred beats bludger one inch before it hits the ground. 80 miles per hour.

Expertise of 7 years as Quidditch beaters, you know.

80 miles? Slow motion. Emmett goes easy. Wouldn't want to kill anyone. Carlisle would go nuts.

Emmett gets bored waiting for incoming ball. C'mon man. Even Renesmee throws faster than that..

Flicks bat once.

Bludger instantly hits Fred's nose and rebounds straight to George's forehead. Weasley twins smile before falling face first on the ground. Thud one. Thud two.

"Quidditch, huh. Maybe that's Brit for pingpong-"

Two redheads remain unconscious on the ground. Next to their brooms. Emmett figures the "brooms" are for cleaning up after the 'bench warmers' of the team.

 ** _Strike one, you're out!_**


	4. Mean Girls

SMALL TALK 3- **_Mean Girls: like the movie!_**

The elite Cullens sit at their table. Students avoid them. It's *the* table where the beautiful statues usually pretend to eat high school lunches. No one dares approach high school royalty.

A distant sound of a crack brings their attention. Luna Lovegood enters _their_ lunchroom in search of American Grindelows. She prances along in her signature mustard yellow frock, green stockings, and strawberry shaped earrings.

Golden pixie eyes instantly widen in terror. Asks panicked question:

"Is that... _couture_?" Alice whispers to Rosalie: completely inaudible. It's gotta be couture. She can't possibly want to wear that on the streets!

"It's ugly. That's what it is." Rosalie mutters away, of course no one can hear her constructive criticism. Not like she cares, either way.

"Can you two stop the insults?" Edward filters out their rude thoughts against the badly dressed girl. These two think like children.

"Edwards right! It's not like she's naked. Stop being so mean." Emmett silently chuckles, almost reaches an audible pitch.

They continue their completely silent bickering. Jasper silently stares at girl, slowly tilting his head. Never losing focus.

A dreamy cough interrupts as milky gray eyes slowly meet the Cullens.

"I can hear you, you know." Luna gazes up at the completely frozen Cold Ones.

Edward! Did she just say she could hear-Luna's voice interrupts Emmetts thought-question.

Of course, she said that: Jasper tenses.

"Thank you, Edward. For your kindess." Luna continues

"She's infiltrated your mind. Edward...can you hear her thoughts?" Jasper speedily thinks. He strategically assesses the rainbow clad miss.

Edward ignores Jasper's thoughts, lost in his own.

"Edward." Jasper shoots a commanding thought.

"Ah. So it _is_ Edward." Luna muses

 **Silence**.

Emmett's eyes widen as her smile drifts his way. Luna regards the half giant. "You're perfectly correct. I am not naked."

 **Awkward Silence**.

"You gentlemen could be Ravenclaws, if you really wanted," Luna begins to skip away.

"Such intelligent remarks" she smiles to herself.

 **Silence**.

 _Edward slightly grins._

 _Emmett booms in laughter._

 _Jasper looks on, slightly tense._

"Calm down, Jasper." The Ravenclaw whispers, knowing they can still hear her.

More grinning. More laughter. More tensing. Never lose focus. More of everything...

EXCEPT the Cullen girls:

Alice and Rosalie stop muttering. Completely.


	5. Mission Improbable

SMALL TALK: **Mission Improbable!**

Carlisle Cullen requests Harry Potter to his pristine Medical Office

"Hello, Dr. Cullen?" Door creaks open

"Harry. Please, sit."

- **brief silence-**

"Mint?"

"Er, no thanks."

- **Dr Carlisle leisurely stands and looks at a painting on the wall-**

"I've called you here for a special purpose, Harry."

"Purpose, sir?"

"Yes. I have an assignment for you."

- **another silence-**

"An assignment. Okay?" waits for details of new mission.

"However, I'm not allowed to disclose that information."

- **tense silence-**

"I'll probably give you clues though, whenever you faint or pass out." Dr. Carlisle offers

 **Wizards' jaw tenses.**

"I'd rather not wait seven years to know." Harry silently mutters to himself.

Carlisle thoughtfully muses. The boy may have a point. Seven years _is_ longer than a surgeon's residency.

Dr. Carlisle's glasses twinkle. Oh well.


	6. Mirror, Mirror

**SMALL TALK 6: Mirror, Mirror on the wall**

 **Edward Cullen** flees from Forks to Scotland to hide from Bella. To protect her. It's the only way.

 **Cedric Diggory** flees to the Forest to hide from the Tournament. To protect his Father. It's the only way.

The two _incredibly_ handsome beings wind up in the Forbidden Forest.

Cedric Diggory takes a 'calming' walk around the magically approved trails of the Forbidden Forest. There's only one thing on his mind: Triwizard Dragons. Nevermind though. He's a Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs work hard. Hufflepuffs win.

Although right now, he would prefer to be a Gryffindor.

"Nerves. Just nerves." Cedric repeats.

But what would father think if I failed the tournament? He valiantly tries to calm his own fears. Unfortunately, he's anything but calm. The horrifying possibility follows him deeper into the Forest.

On the other side of the Forbidden Forest, Edward Cullen is also anything but calm. All he wanted to do was hunt, and now he's having love induced illusions!

What the hell was that? His golden eyes dart around. I must be seeing things. A lot of things. Edward valiantly ignores the shadows of a giant spider, a unicorn looking horse, and a man with a horse's body. The shadows silently follow him deeper into the Forest.

"Nerves. It's gotta be nerves" Edward mutters.

Edward's thoughts are suddenly interrupted by someone else's thoughts. Edward completely stills. Those thoughts..are an echo of... his voice?

"Nerves, positively nerves." The mysterious thoughts loudly echo into Edward's mind. Edward tenses. Since when did his own thoughts sound so British?

The British voice gets louder and louder.

Cedric pauses feels a cold breeze, it gets colder and colder. Since when was it so cold in the summer?

The temperature gets colder and colder.

Louder. Colder.

Until golden eyes meet chocolate brown.

Edward and Cedric stare at one another.

I've Turned human?

I've gone pale!

One blinks as the other one darts away

Cedric tilts his head, suddenly blushing.

"Excellent. Professor Lupins let a Boggart escape." Cedric muses. The bright wizard suddenly realizes something important about himself.

"Well, it really is just a Boggart." Cedric Diggory confidently marches toward the Triwizard Tournament.

Meanwhile, Edward Cullen is already halfway back to Forks.

"Great. I've gone crazy." He mutters. Probably because I miss her. The Cold One suddenly realizes something important about the only person who could make him feel... human. He confidently runs his way back to Forks. Back to Bella...

It takes seven years for the mirror to break.

One shard, a happy ending.

One shard, a very sad one.

 _RIP C.D., Kindest Wizard of his Age_


	7. Red Heads Prolouge

Just when you thought the conversations were over.

SMALL TALK FINALE: A red heads final rant.

Ronald Bilius Weasley grumbles around, blushing an angry sort of red. A Molly Weasley shade of red.

This author. She must be Fraternizing with the enemy...

... Bloody hell.

….Why me?

-silence in the blackness. The credits have rolled. The song is over. The book is read and done. And the audience has gone.-

Really.

Why _can't I_ have a bit of small talk!?

Someone in the far distance hears him, but can't find the time to respond!

Esme Cullen is too busy making sure that the Cullen's don't hunt any more humans.

Sorry. Sometimes there's no room for small talk.

OH Ron, the eternal sidekick

(Until he gets the girl, of course)

You might talk the talk, but I walk the walk!

The end.

Small talks are the best!


End file.
